Ramblings of an Inquisitive Mind

Me and My Hobo Heart

I have always had a hobo heart. Always longing – always searching – always seeking. Always striving to become the person I was born to be. Many people who know me might disagree; they might point out that I never travel, never go anywhere, so how can I be a hobo? Well, I think there is a huge difference – I said I have a hobo heart.

In the song, “Mama Was Always Tellin’ Her Truth,” Iris Dement writes,

If she was glad she took you with her
If she was sad she took you too
There wasn’t a lot of travellin’ she didn’t do
Right there in that little house was a bigger world than I may ever see.

This is what I mean by a hobo heart. There is a lot of traveling the heart and soul can do without ever leaving the house: a spiritual journey of discovery. I am a person who lives in the here and now. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I am just who I am. I am not good at delaying gratification; if I buy you a birthday or Christmas present, I will probably give it to you the day I buy it. I’m terrible at looking into the future and trying to set goals and make plans. Today is what I have, and I live it with all the ups and downs life throws at me.

I suffer from deep depressions but I am so grateful that I do. I live through the dark times – learning, searching, hurting, surviving – living. During those times I can’t act like I’m fine. I can’t pretend that everything is rosy and perfect if it feels like my soul is dying, so I sink into the darkness and experience it fully. At other times I experience extreme peace and happiness, and I am equally grateful for those experiences. This is the give and take of life, the ebb and flow of my soul’s tides.

There is a difference between a hobo and a bum or a tramp. Hobos move from place to place, usually looking for work, whereas bums and tramps do not look for work. That is another reason I know I have a hobo heart. Spiritual discovery is work. It isn’t experiencing a single, burning bush moment when everything changes. It is a journey of hard work, questioning, persistence, and change. A journey that my soul pursues like a hobo longs to ride the rails.

There are so many times when I am driving in the country where I reach a crossroads and I just stop and sit. My brain tells me to turn in the opposite direction – to keep driving – to go someplace where no one knows me – start over – hide. But then my heart and soul kick in and I realize that wherever I go, I take myself with me. My soul knows that I need to grow and change right where I am planted. Following my soul’s journey means I will continue to hop on my boxcar of emotions and struggles, and keep riding the rails until the day I take my last breath. Because that is who I am.